Mutant Kittens
by Professor-Piggy
Summary: Just a couple of short pieces revolving around Kagura and the others getting ready for impromptu trick or treating with Tomo.
1. Cardboard Sharks

'Oh, come _on! _You can't tell me you're actually enjoying this! It's a disgrace! A disgrace to everything halloween stands for! Where's the fear factor? Yomi's a carrot, you're a shark and I don't even _know _what Osaka's supposed to be!'

'So? It's not like you told us to wear scary stuff. Besides, you're not even wearing a costume!'

'Psh. That's what _you _think, but I'll have you know I'm dressed up as the scariest thing I can imagine – with this uniform, these glasses and this big swollen head, I'm a dead ringer for Yomi! I guarantee you everybody's gonna be _terrified!_'

'…Did you tell her that's why you stole her glasses?'

'Of course! She said nobody'd notice 'cause my head's already a million times bigger than she is, and I'd just look like an idiot wearing glasses. Then I said that at least I'm not dressing up like the diet I wish I could stick to, and she admitted I was smarter than her and begged me to help her pick a better costume!'

'…That was one o' those, right Tomo-chan?'

'One of those? One of what?'

'Y'know. It's like…when ya think of the thing you wanted ta say, but not 'til after it's already way too late ta really say it.'

'What? No! I -'

'Like, this mornin' the lunch lady asked me if I wanted chopsticks or a knife 'n fork, an' I didn't know what ta say on account of I never ate with a knife 'n fork before, so I was gonna say chopsticks, but then I thought that people are always tellin' me that if I try new things, I might find somethin' I'm good at. An' I thought maybe what I'm good at is eatin' with a knife 'n fork an' I spent all my life limitin' myself to chopsticks. An' if I kept doin' it I might never find out what I'm supposed ta do! But by then, all the food was gone. It's like that, right?'

'…You follow that, Kagura?'

'I think she's saying there's no way you said that to Yomi, you're not that quick a thinker. Or maybe you are, and that's where that bruise on your forehead came from.'

'Shut up! I don't have to take that from a stupid shark and a… _gah! _What the heck _are _you!?'

'Hanshin.'

'…Hanshin?'

'Yeah. Hanshin.'

'…Hey Kagura, Yomi's been gone a while.'

'Yeah. Maybe she got lost.'

'It's a straight driveway. You can see the door from the sidewalk.'

'Maybe your costume upset her.'

'Nah, that can't be it. I've done way worse stuff than this. She's used to it. Right?'

'…'

'Right, Osaka?'

'Yeah. You're a real jerk, Tomo-chan.'

'See? Osaka agrees with me.'

'I'm not sure that's something you should be happy about.'

'It's fine, it's fine. Yomi'll be back with Sakaki any second now. And I bet Sakaki's got a costume that'll blow all you idiots out of the water. I mean, I should probably've expected that your costumes wouldn't be as cool as mine, but you're not even a _good _shark! Your fin's made out of cardboard!'

'Ya mean real sharks aren't made of cardboard? That's a relief. I was kinda worried, on account o' bein' a cardboard shark'd be terrible. Ya couldn't breath outside the water 'cause you'd be a shark, but if ya got in the water you'd get all soggy an' fall apart! Either you'd run outta air an' suffocate, or you'd have ta deal with big clumps of your body fallin' off! You'd be doomed! No matter what ya did, you'd die for sure. Just like a human being.'

'…I think I was wrong about Osaka not being scary.'

'I don't think it counts if she's not doing it for Halloween. And it's not like I wanted to wear this! You can't call us up half an hour before you want to go, tell us to get costumes and expect them not to suck!'

'Yeah, I guess. Where'd you get it, anyway?'

'The weird kid who lives down the street from me. She's got all kinds of neat stuff. I think she's a scientist, or something.'

'Isn't she like, five? There aren't any five year old scientists, idiot.'

'Yeah, I guess. Maybe she was just dressed up for Halloween, then.'

'I bet her costume was better than yours.'

'Shut up.'

'Make me.'

'Nah. Too much work. We should go get Yomi, before it gets dark. Chiyo's waiting.'

'Heh, think she's getting scared? Poor little kid, afraid of the dark. Only little kids are afraid of the dark.'

'I'm afraid of the dark.'

'…Yeah, me too. Little kid.'

'Yeah yeah. Are we going, or not?'

'I bet they got swallowed up.'

'…Huh?'

'Swallowed up. Y'know, like…like eaten. I hear Halloween's like that.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. It's like if you or me only got ta eat once a year. We'd be real hungry. It's like that.'

'…Kagura, Halloween doesn't really eat people. Right?'

'Of course not. That's stupid.'

'Y-yeah. But we should go look for them, just in case.'

'…Yeah.'


	2. Mutant Kittens

Tomo stared at Sakaki, eyes narrowed in annoyance and that stupid look she always had on when she was gonna do something dumb plastered on her face. Sakaki stared at Tomo's shoes, face red and a hopeful little smile on her painted face. If she'd been a real cat her whiskers probably would have twitched, but since they were painted on they just kind of sat there. Any idiot could see that whereever this was going, it wasn't gonna be good – Kagura had noticed, after all, and she was pretty sure Osaka had too.

'You're dressed as a cat.' Tomo finally opened her mouth, and the words that came out weren't as bad as Kagura expected. They weren't gonna win her any prizes for not stating the obvious, but they weren't gonna hurt any one's feelings either. Probably not, anyway. Sakaki got upset about weird stuff sometimes.

'Yeah,' Sakaki nodded, and her smile grew a little bit bigger. It was pretty nice; Sakaki didn't smile much, unless it was over something like Tadakichi. Or that cat of hers. Or, if Tomo was telling the truth, that time she'd beaten up Miss Yukari in the playground to get them all put back in the same class. But that probably wasn't true – it wasn't that hard to believe Sakaki _could _hurt somebody, but would was another story. And the whole shouting 'this is what you get for betraying the family' only seemed a little more likely. 'I'm a kitten.'

'But you're like, ten feet tall! What kind of kitten's that big!? You should have come as something scary, like Frankenstein or a werewolf or…at least a tiger or something! You're supposed to be the scary one! Everybody else let me down, and now you too!? Traitor!'

There it was. She was honestly surprised it'd taken so long – Tomo was a jerk at the best of times, and she'd had enough sugar to give an elephant a sugar rush. They were probably just lucky she hadn't exploded yet.

Sakaki's smile went out like a light, and if it was possible for a six foot tall girl in a cat costume to shrink she pulled it off. She didn't look scared, though – just disappointed. Like it was Christmas and Tomo'd come along and stomped on all the presents. Again. That'd been an awful day – Tomo wasn't allowed to be Santa for the class anymore.

But all Sakaki said was 'Oh.' Then she just stood there for a few seconds while Tomo ranted at her and added a 'Sorry' at the end.

'A ten foot kitten'd be real scary though.' That was Osaka. Of course that was Osaka.

'What? How!?'

'Well cats ain't so much tall as they are long, right? So a ten foot kitten'd be ten feet long, and it'd still be real tall on account of getting taller to stay kitty shaped. It'd end up bigger than a car. And kitten ain't real nice. They bite a whole lot, and they get downright mean if they don't get their milk or if ya poke 'em. An' speakin' of their milk, if it's a kitten that means it didn't grow ta be ten feet, it just came out that way. Imagine the size o' the cat who had it! Bigger than a house! And cats get real angry if ya mess with their kittens! It'd gobble ya right up, an' then you'd be kitten milk!'

It made sense. Probably. Kagura couldn't find anything wrong with it, anyway. And apparently neither could Tomo – her eyes lit up, and her expression slowly morphed into a grin as she spun back to Sakaki.

'Yeah! Yeah! Is that what you were going for, Sakaki? 'Cause I'm not gonna lie, it's kinda weird. But it's awesome, too! Nobody else'll have a ten foot kitten! And if they do, you can gobble them up! And Chiyo-chan, too! That's what you were thinking, right?'

'What? No! That's…I wouldn't… kittens don't… eat people.'

'Well yeah, but only 'cause they're small! If they were big they'd be like 'muhahahaha Sakaki you shall be my dinner and shall feed me for a week because you're so tall! But not until after I get done eating Yomi in like a year or something!'

As she finished, Tomo paused like she was waiting for a reaction. Nobody said anything – Sakaki shuffled her feet and kept looking like she was gonna cry, Osaka just kept staring into space with her mouth hanging open, and Kagura tried to keep herself from shoving Tomo down for upsetting Sakaki. She probably hadn't even noticed – she usually didn't. The lack of reaction was met with Tomo's grin morphing into a frown. 'Where _is _Yomi, anyway?'

'Uh…you didn't let her in. You said she had to stay outside as punishment for taking so long to get me.'

'Oh yeah! Well, that's what she gets for going to the wrong house. How stupid can you be? She _did _get a lot of candy though. I bet she was trying to ditch us. Traitor.'

'Traitor!' Osaka echoed, and Kagura shook her head.

'She already told you, she got the wrong house 'cause you stole her glasses and she couldn't see anything. Then you cheated her in rock paper scissors 'cause she couldn't see what you threw and told her she had to come.'

'Whatever. Anyway, Sakaki – if you wanted a scary cat costume, why _didn't_ you go a tiger? Or at least a panther or something? Or like, a lion! Don't try to tell me you thought being a kitten'd be scarier or cooler than being the king of the jungle! Lions eat _way _more people than mutant kittens! Probably.'

'Oh. I…I wasn't…nevermind.'

'She wasn't trying to be scary, idiot.' Kagura wasn't too surprised to find that she'd opened her mouth without planning to. She did it way more often than the thought things through, and she'd kinda gotten used to rolling with it. It usually worked out okay. Or with her saying stupid stuff and acting like a jerk. 'And she's not dressed as a mutant kitten – she's dressed as a normal kitten, and she looks totally cute!'

'She's way too tall to pull off a normal kitten! And besides, the whole point of Halloween is to scare the crap out of people! What the heck's a kitten gonna do, pee on them!?'

'You're not even _in_ a costume! Now that Yomi's got her glasses back, you're just wandering around dressed as Tomo! I'm wearing a cardboard shark fin and these stupid flipper things, Yomi's a carrot and Osaka's…Osaka! At least Sakaki's costume looks like something! Besides,' she added before she could stop herself, 'I think she looks awesome.'

Sakaki's head turned towards her, and her smile was back. Sure, her eyes were the size of Chiyo's brain and and her face was as red as that old guy after Yukari hit him, but she was smiling. Because of Kagura.

'Hey! I'll have you know that Osaka's Hanshin! And you name one thing I could dress up as scarier than Tomo! Everybody's afraid of me! When I walk down the street they all scream and run away, crying about how I'll beat 'em up! I'm the scariest thing this town's got!'

'I'm Hanshin!'

'We know! It's…it's a really nice Hanshin, okay? I'm just saying Sakaki's is really nice! Right, Osaka?'

'Yeah. Sakaki always looks real nice.' Osaka turned her head as she spoke, and if anybody else noticed where on Sakaki she was looking they didn't say anything about it – and since Kagura sure as hell didn't have any plans to make things more awkward, she didn't either. Instead she just nodded her head and pointed at Tomo.

'See!? You're the only one with a problem here! If Sakaki wants to be cute, let her be! It's not like she's not already a total badass anyway! And Miss Yukari is scarier than you! People run away from her twice as fast!'

'That's not – well, okay, yeah. That _is _true. But just wait 'til I get my license! I'll give her a run for her money! And yeah, I guess when you're as scary as Sakaki is all the time there isn't really any point in dressing up. It's like me – I'm better just the way I am, but I still make a killer giraffe. And I guess Sakaki's an okay kitten mutant.'

'She's not a – oh, forget it! There's no telling you!'

'I'm not a mutant,' that was Sakaki, speaking quietly but clearly and still – _still –_ staring over at Kagura, leaving her with a weird feeling in her stomach and making her feel like she'd just been running for a few hours. Kagura wished she'd stop. 'I'm…just a kitten. A normal one. Like Maya.'

'Yeah, fine. Whatever. Be boring if you want to. You're just jealous cause I'm a better Tomo than you are a kitten. Just hurry up and let's go. There's candy out there! If Yomi didn't eat it all. And we were supposed to pick up Chiyo like an hour ago.'

Tomo spun around, and raced towards the door, dragging Osaka behind her. As they ran, Kagura saw Osaka turn to Tomo and ask 'D'ya think Chiyo'll wear a costume, or will her pigtails just change bodies for the night?' The door slammed shut before she heard the answer, but she realised a second later she was grinning. Knuckleheads.

And Sakaki was still smiling, too. That seemed important, somehow. It seemed like the most important thing in the world.

'You okay?' She managed, and Sakaki nodded.

'Yeah. And… thanks.'

'Don't worry about it.' She could feel her grin getting wider. 'Let's just go and try and stop those two from throwing Chiyo-chan off a bridge or something.'

'…We should probably hurry.'

'Yeah.'


End file.
